After having a baby, on top of the constant exhaustion and ebb and flow of our emotions after the baby has arrived – i kept asking myself “how can i reconnect with my husband?” We have to deal with attending to the every need of our new baby while also running the risk of isolating our husbands. Husbands experience many emotions while their wife is pregnant, and after the baby arrives they are on the sidelines –not to mention, they have to wait at least 6 weeks after the baby’s born before they can be intimate with you again.
Let’s face it, with a new baby demanding all of our time and energy, our husbands often end up getting the short end of the stick by the time the end of the day comes around. This is particularly because when our husbands get home from work their day has ended and they can but ours is still continuing because we’re still feeding and tending to the baby. So, when their husband comes home, a mom’s mind is focused on taking care of the baby, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, and maybe squeezing out 5 minutes for a shower.
A mom’s mind doesn’t tend to slow down.
But just because we are exhausted, doesn’t mean that we should alienate or neglect our better half, who played a very important role in bringing this beautiful new baby into our lives. So, when the connection between you and hubby has been lost in the piles of baby laundry, diapers, breastfeeding, and baby’s cries it’s time to get it back and get it back fast. Remind yourself of the sweet moments you both have shared before the baby was here and while you were pregnant. When you are reminded of these sweet moments and you smile, share those memories out loud with your husband by sharing them with him while he sits in bed with you and watches you feed the baby or while you watch him change the baby’s diaper.
- One thing that I made a huge effort to do with my husband after our first baby arrived was to try to include him in everything I was doing with the baby. I didn’t want to just be in mommy mode and neglect daddy. Although your husband cannot bond with the baby in the same intimate way that a mother can, he can still create a bond and special memories with his newborn baby.
- So, when it was time to feed the baby, I would do it while I sat on the couch with my husband and listen to him talk about his day; or we would have late night dessert together and watch a movie while he stayed up with me; or I would pump breastmilk into a bottle and give it to him to feed the baby so I could catch up on some sleep.
- Now, this last example may not seem like you are reconnecting with your husband because him feeding the baby while you take a nap is not you both spending close time together. However, I always saw it as reconnecting with my husband because he was able to have a sweet private moment with the baby and experience the bonding that I get to experience all day, every day. Knowing that my husband and I were both getting that bonding time with our baby created a re-connection between us that had been lost in the day-to-day grind of responsibilities.
It is also important to set up consistent date nights with each other. These dates can be in the home or out of the home. The main objective is that you are both establishing a time to spend together without kids to just focus on each other.